OK, I Think I’m Going to Go Through With Surgery
I think that maybe I should opt for surgery after all...
So… are you impressed yet with my daily fickle waffling between going for and evading surgery? I guess I’ve come to a conclusion that I may opt for surgery and I should be more concerned with long term effects, i.e. pain/swelling, than performance. I have to accept that I will no longer be the great competitor I was before. I am going to give up all competitive sport, which is my heroin, and will try to be happy with roller blading and maybe martial arts but not tournament, only in class sparring with some care.
I think the only surgery I can stomach is the allograft and it is supposed to be much less trauma than autografts. I’m scared of how much long term swelling and pain I’ll have with a patella and the residual effects of weakening my strong legs and hamstring. What concerns me about the allograft is the long term stability, use, strength, and the especially the comparison of pain I can expect in a year, 2 years, 5 years. I’m very depressed still and cannot even begin to fathom what life is going to be like without sports.
I’ve missed Tae Kwon Do now for 2 weeks. I miss my buddies and the weekend black belt classes. I was just about to go for second degree and continue my teaching studies. This isn’t good and I need to snap out of this… maybe I should do this, even if it means I’m mediocre…
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michael at 09:08 PM •
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