So what happened. I had to run to an appointment at a local law firm and was hobbling back to the office. I was either across the street or near the Hilton on 54th and 6th when I saw a cab with a passenger in the back beckoning to pull over to the curb. I knew that this was my moment to make a move towards the future coordinates of the resting spot for this yellow transport. His “vacancy light” atop his vehicle was not alit. Superb! I will be able to snag a cab that others will not notice until it is too late!

Well… cab pulls over, passenger gets out and I’m about to go inside when I hear a woman with a southern accent behind me screaming “That’s our cab!!! We had him pull over!!!” I turned to her and said the only thing one could at such an inane comment: “Are you serious???” She was roughly 60, wearing a gaudy white outfit with enough jewelry to make Mr. T bashful. Her husband, a tall thin Texan of roughly 65-75 was wearing an embarrassing but expensive white satinish sports outfit with a hat that currently evades memory since the ridiculous jumpsuit (with some cool, expensive action stripe going down the side) still sticks in my mind like dirty gum on the bottom of your shoe. He rushes over to me and stands practically on top of me and gives me the “in yer face Texas staredown” as though it is supposed to scare me. He’s about 6’2” and thin and I’m 5’8” and roughly 165.

What’s funny is what really did startle me for a moment. (A) This idiot might actually have a gun and use it because he’s too stupid to realize that he ain’t in Texas now and jumping into a disputed NY cab does not justify homicide in these parts (although it may in Dallas); (B) he had money (obviously inherited given the limited IQ that was apparent from his glossy, vacant eyes) and could be someone who might be related in some fashion to a client, and (C) this joker seemed like he wanted a piece of me after he gave me the Texas Staredown and I’d be beating the bejesus out of an old man (despite his fantasy.) In addition, I noticed that since the city was empty there were actually plenty of other cabs… a rarity and rather noticeable so it wasn’t worth the argument.

So I told them that it’s obvious they aren’t from these parts and they are lucky one of us has class. I gave him a final retort when I said “you don’t scare me” as he climbed into the cab after his narcissistic wife. He moved as though he was coming out of the cab to get me, replete with The Scary Texas Face and I just waved him off and did my best not to have him notice me limping away.

Hey, I have my friends in Texas and there are plenty that aren’t like our bratty, egocentric couple. But my friends do say that this big dumb attitude unfortunately pervades Texas. Everything is “big” there and has to be “big” and a matter of ego and pride. But hey, bubba, come to NY and we don’t care about how much money you have, how much cattle you own, and whether your oilfield is slicker than Johnny Cochrane’s silver, snaked toungue. If there is a cab that is vacant or if you are blocking the stairs while the express train is pulling in at the station, the 83 year old grandmother will go through you if she has to. I’m glad these yahoos are gone and back down below the Mason-Dixon line.

OK… that said… I decided to limp to the office. I needed the exercise!