I’m wondering if this is the “cautiously optimistic approach” to recovery, I don’t know. I did hold off from donating my baseball glove to the local youth organization and hang up my cleats permanently. But I am probably going to give away my hockey sticks. I’m going to try a little and see where it takes me since I’m going to go through the surgery full throttle and do the autograph… I think… I owe a lot to the gang at Bob’s Knee Board.

Currently my knee is healing very, very slowly. It’s been three weeks and I figured that I’d be running up the stairs or at least walking without any major pain. It’s hard enough for me to walk so running is impossible. It’s a strange feeling like my knee won’t support my body and I feel the pressure internally if I try. I keep tweaking my knee every time I sit in a certain position, not realizing that my leg is twisted and come out of it with a sharp twinge in the knee. My kneecap will “click” on occasions. While I’m close to full extension, I can barely pull my leg in past a 90 degree angle and that is challenge. My knee area is still swollen internally, although it’s hard to see, and this is restricting me from pulling my left leg in any further. I’m also starting to see muscle atrophy from lack of use. I don’t walk much, barely climb stairs and only one at a time using my right leg primary, and realize that my right knee is also starting to hurt from compensating from all that use. Hey—you wanted to know how things are for me three weeks later and now you know! Hopefully it won’t surprise you when you find out how long it is taking you to come back after such an injury!

I guess I’m very afraid. The way I feel right now is that if you’re tampering with your body then the replacement isn’t going to be as durable as the original. It’s going to be a long time until I have the confidence to play with the authority and zest that I used to have. From what you and others tell me, perhaps I should consider at least starting with Tae Kwon Do and definitely blading.

I’m terrified of pushing the replacement part to the stress levels I put my original parts through. I was indestructible although my shape allowed me to avoid injury. Somehow I made one wrong step in a little hole that was deeper than I thought, I guess. I still don’t quite remember how I did this. There was nobody around me… I just crumpled to the ground screaming.

I remember the first and only time I really hurt myself—a significant ankle sprain. Took me at least a year to be back to normal without surgery as I wasn’t sure if I felt “give” in my ankle or I was just thinking I was. I’m upset I guess because I realize I will not be near 100% next summer even if I do surgery now. Honestly guys, even if I take therapy full force I KNOW that I MUST give my knee the best chance to heal and reinforce itself and that cannot practically happen so soon. Maybe I will go lightly, perhaps play softball with a knee brace and quarterback in football. I don’t know. What I do know is that right now, 3 weeks after my injury, I am a pathetic cripple who can barely make it a few blocks without feeling like he tweaked his leg and stings his knee. I’m going to try to take this as it comes....

Thanks so much to the gang at Bob’s Knee Board, including Larry, Tif, Paul, Mona, Ba, James, Linda Robin, ChrisKneeNa and whomever I may have left out unintentionally… I really needed you guys to get to this point where I feel as GOOD as I can about doing the autograft surgery and soon…